IN THE DARK

what is this im feeling..? im shredding tears all over my cheeks..there's this one couple i envy..even if u see it 4 urself..u know they are so happy...making each other so happy to the core..~ All the mistakes i have done..sometimes i think not even once i deserve what he has done to me..even so i still want him. Why am i hesitating right now..? is it ok if i compare my love life with other love life there is? is it fair? i feel i want to run away..~ letting him go and let him be..i deserve better..do i?our anual anniversary doesnt even feel like an anniversary.. i dont want to cry at night wishing and wanting something more from him..he's the guy..i mean is it ok that us women expects more from men? i dont give a fuck if im being too emotional..this is who i am..im right  here.. wanting him more then ever..there he is in his LaLa land having time of his life.. and im here..i feel stupid..He got DL for his exams..making me like an idiot for moaning over a relationship that i think im the one who's building it..i let him and gave him what he wants..i just want a relationship where im bella and he's the edward but in my case.. im the edward..wtf, even u..do u want that?He thinks he's so good enough..I'm freaking MAD because i cant feel the love..i want constant love and care..dont want to feel alone and  any type of sorrows ANYMORE..no more..i dont want.. Fuck it.. i will never have what i want.. asik aku je sacrifice.. its been long since i cried but tonight im crying..can't stop it..i want to run away..maybe single is the way to go..no crying..is it better to be with someone or the opposite? you know what.. i feel i want to be quite.. let all the feelings to be kept in my heart.. he's dumb enough to know it moreover to understands it..For u who's reading this..this is me..can't decide what i want and can't feel what i should suppose to feel..i'm messed up~ what ever..